I haven't..really been too great lately. So I'm just writing this to get it out of my system and..tell the nobody who still goes on here.
I moved into a college about 10 hours away from my old home.
I'm studying music and it's all I could ever want.
I'm extremely lonely and have made no friends.
I've lost communication with one person who I used to love dearly, and promised that I would never stop talking to. They refuse to answer my calls and messages. I miss them every day.
The person who used to be my best friend turned into a distant asshole and then moved.
Nobody here knows me or knows what I'm like and why I am the way I am.
I haven't hugged or gotten hugged by anyone in months.
I miss fireplaces.
I have been anorexic and bulimic for two years. It's gotten to the point where my mother cries every day and they're threatening me with hospitalization.
I'm very afraid that death may be a real concern for me soon.
I turned 19.
I forget who I am...and what I'm here for.
I'm really just..lonely I guess..just want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever..
I feel like I regret my whole life.
I've taken to try to eat more, but hit and physically abuse myself for it.
It brings up the question of why I feel the need to punish myself. Everyone else seems to think I'm not a bad person.
I guess..I just. miss the time when life was something that I lived. Where I actually had feelings worth feeling and when I felt sad or happy.
I'm just trying so hard to escape and run away and hole myself up. But I don't know from what.
And why am I so damned dedicated to music? I've stayed up until about 5:00 the past few nights studying.
You think that with everything going on, I'd have given up on music before I gave up on myself.
Maybe I have nothing better to do? Or just don't know what else to do with myself?
I really miss the feeling of someones hand on my back or chest. just...softly there.
I don't really feel connected to anything here..and so..I don't really feel..real. In a way.
I miss something. I regret something. but I don't know what.
Fuck. I'm an emo mess. Someone come cuddle me please.